February 15, 2011
A Good Night’s Sleep…
…is something I have most definitely been lacking recently. To explain why, let me fill you in on some of the strange stuff that’s been happening around this place.
Yesterday it began to storm as I was at recorder. Lots of fun wind and rain. Made my hair huge. So naturally, our house sprung a leak. (My house is nearly 100 years old. Give it a break.) Of course that leak had to be outside my bedroom window. Not into my bedroom, mind you; my life isn’t quite that awful. No, through the section of roof outside my window to the living room below. Which is nice because it means that my stuff didn’t get rained on all day. But it did mean that we had to put plastic bags outside my window to “stop” the leak. I don’t know how well that worked out. I’ve been pretty determinedly not paying attention. (After last month’s drainage fiasco, I’ve learned it’s best to stay out of this sort of thing.)
So, plastic bags + wind + rain = I’ll let you guess. No, I won’t. I’ll give you some choices. So, the situation that I described above would result in noises comparable to those of:
a) A midget army trampling across one of those compostable Sun-Chips bags that crinkle like nobody’s business.
b) A very strong vacuum cleaner sucking up a machine that produces white noise that is, naturally, breaking because it’s being sucked into a vacuum cleaner. Duh.
c) Fingers tapping across a keyboard without actually typing anything, which is the most annoying habit a person can have, and one of the worst sounds.
d) The National Let’s Wrap Ourselves In Wrapping Paper Society having a low-key get-together* with the Potato Chip Bags Association and the International Assembly of People Who Run Leaf-Blowing Machines.
If you guessed e — all of the above — you were right! You’ve won a free bag of potato chips, vacuum cleaner, white noise machine, keyboard, roll of wrapping paper, and a leaf blower**.
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* There are several things wrong with this phrase. Firstly, most parties billed as “low-key get-togethers” are NEVER as chill as they would have you think. People always get excited and stay up until 5. Whenever someone invites you to an “all-nighter over-caffeinated pillow-fighting silly-string bonanza” you can be sure that everyone will get tired and fall asleep before 9. Actually, I just wanted to say that. There’s nothing wrong with the phrase “low-key get-together” except that it sounds suspiciously like ” over-the-hill hippies hang out, get high, and talk about the old days”. If you say it reallly slowly.
** Not really.
